My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize