I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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