Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
