Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
