forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The air taste purple.
Randomize
