I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
