Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
