You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
