My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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