what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
