you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
