I met the friendliest cop last night
she looked like the before picture.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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