I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
