her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
