"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
