Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
