2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found your dick twin last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
