the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
