quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
