I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
