So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
