I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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