ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
