Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Im part way to drunk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
