it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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