Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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