our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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