You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
