I have demons in me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He shit in the fireplace
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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