apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As shirtless as possible
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
