I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
