toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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