just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
