Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
