My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You dont lie about slip and slides
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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