Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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