I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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