Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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