I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
