Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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