tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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