I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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