She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
