we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
