I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize