Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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