who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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