"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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