did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
