I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
