This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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