Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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