One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
