i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
