Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
