Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
