How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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