Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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