Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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