They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
