dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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