IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
