you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
