I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
