i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
