I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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