whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
