Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
