With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
