i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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