he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
