Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
