Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
