: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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