I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
