Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
