Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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