Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
