bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize