got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
