When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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