Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
