bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
