I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
