I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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