You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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