tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
