No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My bed smells like the plague
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
