Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
