I heard we made out
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
