Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to calm my uterus...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
