everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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