do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
