As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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