We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
