You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ttyl tear gas
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
