I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
