dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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