a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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