About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
