I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
